@drdonsdizon is an oncologist who also specializes in sexual health. In his latest ASCO blog: Reclaiming your Sexuality after a Cancer Diagnosis: Worth Fighting For looks at how cancer and its treatment affect romance, sensuality and intercourse. But why can’t we foster Fun as well as Fighting?
Dr Dizon describes a couple he saw in his ‘sexuality clinic’ who had shifted to being patient and caregiver. He “gave them homework, called sensate focusing, to help them reconnect physically”.
I think it’s great that Dr Dizon is talking openly about sex. But I’m sad that sexuality isn’t always included in the holistic approach everyone surely aims to provide. And does there really always have to be a separate sexuality ‘clinic’? Which means yet another ‘patient’ role.
I know that ‘everyone’ is afraid to talk about sex. But then ‘everyone’ is also afraid to talk about death. I think the hearing, witnessing, offering-to-listen skills are pretty much the same for the two topics.
So, if you can talk about death, you’re more than well on the way to being able to talk about sex!
I really like that he brought up sensate focus – which I also think is great. But the resource he signposted made it out to be very serious, and always needing doctor-style input. The escalation concept keeps it feeling safe for everyone, but surely it can be fun too? How about simply using chocolate pens or paint or whatever else the couple like to draw on the body-bits the start-individual wants to be / likes being touched on.